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Retail Park

There is a small retail park about 40 miles from my home which takes in all the end of line stock for the major department stores, then sells it for truly bargain prices. In the past year alone I have picked up £150 training shoes for £15 and several designer suits at a similar discount. To get the bargains on the sporting goods you need to know your stuff as it is usually the specialist goods that only experienced athletes would buy (Asics, Mizuno etc).

I also have the good fortune one of my friends who works at the park lets me know when the good shipments arrive the night before they hit the shelves.

The one problem being that you have to make sure what you buy is right on the day since not all of the stores accept returns and will in all likelihood have sold out if you needed a different size. This policy means that it is useful to have someone else there for a second opinion; since none of the girls could make it my husband was reluctantly conscripted. As usual we visited the bookstore first so he had something to do while I was trying on outfits.

He would need it since today I was looking for some new suits, an activity I find boring so I almost felt sorry for dragging him along.

Due to the limited space the changing rooms were mixed and provide little more than a knee length curtain for privacy.  On any normal day this would have been an invitation for me to have a little fun but since he was there under duress I decided to be good. This lasted for 5 outfits and a total of about 20 minutes when he had stopped looking up from his book to answer questions about how I looked.

After closing the curtain I took off the jacket and blouse then stepped back out in my 6th outfit to ask for his view, I should point out at this point that his autopilot when reading is fantastic and would fool most people. He looked up without really seeing me standing there in bra and trousers then proceeded to answer my questions faultlessly while still lost in a good book.

Another couple walked into the room at this point and her partner seeing (and focusing on) me clearly assumed this was not a mixed area and started to walk back out. I gestured that it was not a problem and put a finger to my lips to indicate they should be quiet, then giving my beloved a last chance said “I’m not quite sure about the jacket, should I try the other one again?” to which he responded “good idea, you do that”.  I raised an eyebrow at the couple then walked back into the changing room.

I had been going to walk out topless next but decided to make sure the couple watching would not cause problems first, so I took off the trousers then waited for a little while so he would not catch me out too soon.  This time I composed myself before stepping out again, I could feel the adrenalin rushing through me but I needed to keep my voice measured to carry this off. On re-entering the communal area of the changing room the couple were still waiting for me and the girl was now grinning from ear to ear while her partner was still wondering if it was okay to watch or if there would be a price to pay later for staring at pretty red heads.

As before my husband looked up still oblivious before returning to his book, I asked him questions about how it looked while giving him prompts about the colour and style of the suit. Was I not standing in my underwear it would have been a very impressive performance, after a couple of minutes questioning I retreated inside the cubicle saying “I just want to try my first outfit again to make sure”. I indicated to the couple using hand signals that they should wait, the girl dashed outside at this point clearly unable to stop herself laughing.

True to my word I stripped down to my first suit, taking advantage of the changing time to make use of the mirror and make sure I looked presentable. Trembling just a little I pulled back the curtain and stepped out into the changing room, the girl had brought back a friend and the partner looked completely stunned.  To their credit they managed to keep almost completely silent and true to form my husband did not notice as he glanced up.

I turned to face my audience so they could see me properly and mimed a shrug while shaking my head, then asked my partner about the first suit while gesturing to my audience:

Me: “I do like the colour, but it’s a little more expensive than the others…”

Him: “Don’t worry about that, if you like it then we’ll buy it”

Me: “I’m, not sure if there are many places I could wear it though… seems a bit much for work”

Him: “It would look fine for work, what’s the point in having something nobody sees?”

((Stifled laugh from the new member of the audience))

Me (turning away from the audience so they could see my behind): “Are you sure my bottom does not look big in this?”

Him:  “Nothing could make your bottom look big, I’m pretty sure that’s the one you want”

At this point it was too much for the smiling girl and even my husband could not remain completely oblivious to someone loudly bursting out laughing while standing no more than a metre or two away.

Me: (grinning) “Errm… I was thinking I could wear it home?”

I quickly waved at my audience and dashed back into the changing room laughing before he could respond. It had been quite a while since I had done anything like this so my whole body felt like it was on fire, combined with trying to stop laughing it took nearly 10 minutes for me to get dressed.  When I finally left the changing room my audience had dispersed and my partner was sitting there with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms.

It took two BB’s Almond muffins before he would speak to me but it was worth it (grins)… oddly he does now pay attention when I exit changing rooms for at least 5 seconds… though after that I could probably perform a strip tease without any problems.

I decided not to play in the sports shop and bought my new shoes very quickly, it is amazing how attentive and efficient the staff can be… if you spend some time testing sports bra’s on the mini trampoline during previous visits, while I may not have much to bounce it was a fun afternoon.

Love Alice x

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Adventures of an Exhibitionist