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Weekend in Scotland

A few years back I spent a weekend in Scotland which was quite fun. It was another warm night and the weather forecast said there was no chance of rain, by the time Id set my tent up it was more or less pitch black and I was really tired so I decided to leave the fly sheet off until the next day.

Once I climbed into my little tent I pulled a lamp out of my rucksack and hung it from the tassels that supported the central pole and switched it on so I could see what I was doing and started to undress.

Id just started taking my shirt off when I heard a voice whispering close by… to be honest it was one of those loud whispers which people use when they’re trying to get someone’s attention without anyone hearing, it was to the affect of

voice 1: “look over there…”
voice 2: “What!”
voice 1: “shhhhh that tent over there”
voice 2: “strewth”
voice 1: “quiet!”
voice 3: “men!”

It was obvious that without the flysheet I was putting on a shadow show for anyone in the vicinity rather than stop I just continued as I was, first the top then trousers listening to the voyeurs all the while. Then I expended a considerable amount of effort in removing my pants in a very confined space… I could almost hear the intake of breath outside, in truth trying to stop myself from laughing.

Now I had nothing left to take off and was a little disappointed as it had been quite fun… Then I had a brainwave… first I made a great show of putting my clothes into a neat pile once this was done I leant over on my knees and reached forward into my rucksack after a few mins in this position it was getting a little uncomfortable so I finally retrieved the t-shirt I was looking for and my wash kit and towel. I pulled the t-shirt over my head I could hear the aww’s as they assumed the show was over.

Switching the light out I opened the front of the tent and shimmied forward half in half out so I could put my trainers on without getting any mud inside the tent (…they wouldn’t be able to really see anything but they’d wish they could), though I could see the three people watching me from behind a car parked a little way down from my tent. Two guys about 16 and a girl around the same age; I was safe so I decided to finish the show.

I turned over onto my knees bottom facing outwards and reached over and grabbed my wash kit then shuffled backwards through the door. Unintentionally the back of my t-shirt caught on one of the toggles on the door ties but I decided to go with it by the time I was half out of the tent the toggle fell loose and the T-shirt was half up my back so nothing was left to the imagination now!

This done I sat up and let the T-shirt fall back down while I redid the ties on the door. Then stood up letting the t-shirt catch on the towel on the way up but falling as soon as I turned round, the shower block was on the way past the little group behind the car now acting like they hadn’t noticed me at all so I just waved and commented that it was a lovely night (which raised the hem of the t-shirt just long enough to get a quick peek) and headed off to the shower block.

On my way back they were still waiting by the car obviously waiting for a repeat performance, as I approached the girl left the group and started talking (I imagine she had been talked into a delaying tactic). After a while the two boys joined us too, it turned out they were leaving tomorrow and they were basically just killing time till their parents came back.

All three of them were trying to maintain eye contact but kept dropping to the hem of my t-shirt… which was partly my fault as I’m one of those people who talk with their hands. Anyway after about 10mins I said my goodbyes and headed back to my tent, once there I squatted down letting the t-shirt ride up around my waist while I slowly undid the ties. The small group had moved to a better vantage point so pretending to ignore them I turned my lamp on then sat illuminated in the doorway with the t-shirt above my hips and legs apart while removing my shoes.

I spent about five minutes taking off my shoes and placing them inside the tent, the audience were being very patient so I moved behind the open tent doors and sat on the back of my legs with my knees apart. The T-shirt had fallen back down to make this position quite modest so still illuminated I pulled it over my head and watched the stars for a short time before slowly closing the door starting with the ties at the top.

With the final ties closed I crawled into my sleeping bag and finally switched the light out, I could hear them talking outside for sometime after; though by the time Id woke up the next morning they’d already left.

This was really their loss as I feel on this trip I wore little more than a t-shirt the whole time!

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Adventures of an Exhibitionist