I spent the last weekend dog-sitting for a friend, it was a perfect summer’s day with clear a blue sky and soaring temperatures so after lunch I decided to take Kara for a long walk. We headed onto the Chiltern Way which was only a short distance from the house, she of course running at least three times as far as I walked while chasing after a thrown ball.
The first stretch passed a few farm houses on an otherwise deserted track with beams of light prickling on my exposed skin whenever it found a gap in the trees. Apart from the occasional bark as Kara leaped into the undergrowth it was silent and I couldn’t help but notice there seemed to be nobody around. Eventually a road crossed our path and without the shade of the trees the sudden heat seemed almost overpowering but I wanted to feel it everywhere.
I crossed the road then after listening for a moment to make sure there were no cars coming I quickly stripped off my shorts and t-shirt, holding them in my outstretched hands as I welcomed the sun against my naked body. I hadn’t brought a bag with me so I took a little time to roll them up together so they would fit in one hand before heading back into the shelter of the trees. We walked another half mile together, stopping only to explore near a copse of blue-bells in full bloom always wondering where I could hide if I heard someone.
I was almost taken by surprise as I walked into a clearing and saw the bridal way came to an end and the Chiltern Way footpath went around the edge of what appeared to a converted farmhouse, with several rather expensive cars in the courtyard. I didn’t want to get dressed so after looking around to make sure there were no cameras I stepped out of the woods and slowly followed the path, using the cover of the hedge until I got closer. I could feel the static building all over my body, a combination of prickling heat from the sun and the risk of being seen.
Once I was sure the coast was clear I dashed across the open area between the hedge and the Barn, which typically was the exact moment Kara thought it would be fun to bark at me since it had been at least a minute since the last throw of the ball. I stopped in my tracks exposed at the edge of the courtyard, there seemed to be nobody around so I waited for Kara to fetch the ball then threw it for her before finishing my journey.
The black barn was open at the front but the path along the side was quite overgrown with nettles, I considered getting dressed again but decided to live dangerously and after throwing the ball once more slowly negotiated the path making sure I was not stung anywhere too important.
At the end of the barn the left hand side of the path was completely open to the main house with a short distance before the hedge started again, my knees were starting to feel a little wobbly but after a deep breath I dashed across the gap almost certain I had not been seen. I felt a lot calmer in the shelter of the trees again and continued my journey past their tennis courts until the path turned left through a wooden gate to a field of what appeared to be corn. The path from here was heavier going as it curved steeply uphill but I soon reached the wood on the other side of the field.
The corn was not fully grown so only reached a little above my waist and I felt completely exposed to all the hills and farmsteads to the north and east of my position. I sat down for a while to take in the scenery and had I been on my own I would have taken the opportunity to sunbathe, but Kara was having none of that and had already ran to the top of the hill several times before insisting I started walking again.
She had to wait a little while though as the baked earth on the path had felt wonderful against my skin, I took off my shoes allowing me to walk barefoot and completely naked for a time. I hid my clothes under a bush before setting off up the hill again, a little slower this time since I had to be careful where I placed my feet.
As I gradually climbed the hill I rose further and further above the cornfield, by the time I’d reached the top I could see for miles in almost any direction in front of me. The scenery was beautiful with hills and farmland all the way to the horizon… I was half hoping a walking group would pass over one of the hills in the distance but sadly none did.
Having thrown Kara’s ball as far as possible I stood facing the hills with my head up and arms outstretched, feeling the wind push against my body before closing my eyes to focus on the weight of my heels pressing into the ground while I breathed deeply and enjoyed the feeling of being exposed to the elements.
I did this for a minute of two not really paying attention to much of anything, enjoying the added risk of not knowing if anyone could see me or not, which is probably why it took so long to hear the distant buzzing getting closer. On opening my eyes it became clear there was a small airstrip on one of the nearby fields and a light aircraft had taken off, any doubts as to whether I had been seen or not soon disappeared as it turned to make a pass closer to the edge of my field tipping its wing as it went by. I felt I should run but that seemed a little silly at this point so I laughed and waved at them instead.
They went out quite a way then seemed to come in far lower for another pass, so I obliged by staying put and waved once more. They went further out this time before turning around which gave me the opportunity to throw the ball for Kara, I decided this would be their last pass and wanted it to be even more memorable so I quickly turned around, knelt down and raised myself into a headstand. I had to hold in that position for a minute or two before I could see their plane at the edge of the field and opened my legs as far as possible. I know they probably could not see too much from that height but it was still fun teasing them, once they passed I dropped down and called Kara to me.
I could see they were making another run in my direction so rather than head back I waited and waved to them once more before turning around, letting them see my bottom as I dashed off the hilltop and under the cover provided by the small wood. I heard the plane pass overhead once or twice, likely hoping for a repeat performance as I went to find my clothes. The paths through the woods were clear but not as pleasant for me to walk on, Kara however was having a great time dashing through the fallen leaves and generally making as much noise as possible. A marching band could have passed through the woods and I would have struggled to hear them over her, despite this after 20 minutes of walking through the woods I finally found the path that took me to the bottom of the edge of the field and sadly collected my clothes.
I should have gotten dressed there and then but was enjoying myself too much, so I only put on my running shoes and laughed while running full speed into the woods, following all of the southern paths with Kara at my heels. I almost stepped straight out of the woods in full view of a cricket match, before dashing back behind the hedge unnoticed. While streaking such events is traditional I didn’t think it would be a good idea so instead I pulled on my clothes and after taking a moment to compose myself reattached Kara’s leader before running the last half mile back to the house.
I spent the rest of the afternoon basking naked in my friends Garden while Kara, finally exhausted, slept in the shade. As a short epilogue I did hear from my friend today that there is story being told in her local pub by one of the weekend pilots of a cute redhead flashing them from a hilltop, but I simply explained that could have been any cute redhead with a dog called Kara and did not necessarily mean it was me.